Okay so last night--err at 12 am I started making videos. I think I made 4 of emm. (:
I uploaded them and so far I've gotten one comment from Ran Norrelle for each of em and 6 comments just going, "True!" on my Beyonce, Ciara, Diva, one. Lol. I got 4 more subs. hehehe. Uhmuhm..
I'm bored. I talked to this chick on youtube for like an hour. She's so sweet. Hahaha. Uhm..Idk.
My nail polish chipped..Maybe I should take the french tips off and paint it red. Ahahah. I'm watching OneonOne right now.
Hmm..I needa start sleepin early, school will start in like two days. Depressing aint it?
I wanna start winter break over. Hahaha. Christmas didn't really feel like christmas and the same goes for New Years Eve.
I needa pee. I'll get back to this later..Or not. Whateverrr.


Today was okay, I had to withstand another session of my parental units arguing and my name suddenly being brought up into it because of his psychotic ass. He is just crazy to me, I did not fee safe and I didn't even want to make any contact with him. I was happy to have my mom take me out because she probably felt pity for me that most of his and her's coworkers forgot I was apart of the family and mainly gave her, my dad, and my brother gifts while they didn't even give me a cheap, christmas card. I'm use to it, it happens pretty often.
I never really feel like I'm apart of their family, especially my step dad's side. I hate when they force me to call him Dad when he really isn't and with them forcing the title down my throat, it makes me feel choked and suffocated and whatnot. Whateverrr.(:
Uhmuhm..So she felt bad for me I guess and took me shopping which I didn't really mind much after being scared to death of the stupid whacko. I hate him. I can honestly, truthfully say that he is the only person that I hate. I dislike a lot of people but I hate only one, and that's him. Stupid  arrogant phsychotic hypocritical overly sensitve jack ass.
I have never spoken about anyone so badly like I do with him.
He scares me sooo freaking much though, whenever he's in his crazy mode I do not feel safe.
Sooo after shopping mother dearest had to go to work at around 7 so I convinced her to let me hang out with my cousin until about 9 when she picks me up.
I love my cousin, she is so much fun to talk to and hang out with. Of course, my sweet ol' "pa" dislikes her because she's a "bad influence" like he should be talking! He should not even point any fingers. Jackass.
I hate him so much.
Well..I hope I get to go to the movies with my cuzzo tmr and I hope it's a good day!
I'm too scared to go to sleep and I'm way to scared to stay here alone (not including my brother) for 7-8 hours with this whacko. That's why I'm staying up so late so when I wake up it'll be around 2 or 3 pm and I'll just have to wait for my madre to come home.(:
Smart huh? lol. Not really, if he was really evil he could try to kill me in my sleep. Scary thought though.
Yeesh. Btw, I am so hungry. I have not eaten anything this whole day except for that burger from mcdonalds and that was waaay earlier considering it's 3:07 am right now but I'm too scared to leave my room.

Christmas...Where's St.Nick?

Christmas was so ehh this year.
it felt so out of place because it wasn't like the usual. It wasn't too bad , it was pretty fun but it just did not feel like christmas.
I'm lonely and sulking. It's around 9:40 something right now and I'm laying in bed watching a rerun of the temptations movie thingy and I'm lonely.
Right now I feel like I should be with my cousins laughing because on usual christmas days I go over my cousin's with other family members from my dad's side and the adults get the kids gifts and they do secret santa for the other adults. The christmas gathering (the usual one) most of the time ends around 940something-12something but I'm in bed sulking instead of being there.
This aint right. =(
I hope my gut feeling is wrong and '09 doesnt end up being bad like I think it would be.

Disappointed much?

I'm depressed.
I knew I shouldnt have gotten my hopes up!
I really wanted to spend time with her thoughhhh!
Ugh. I don't wanna bother her and constantly call her, I've texted her once and called her once too and she hasn't picked up or replied.
She probably made plans with other people already.
Sad face.
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    disappointed disappointed


TEN thing​s you wish you could​ say to TEN diffe​rent peopl​e right​ now:

10) I think you're a really fake ass bitch that should just shut the fuck up and crawl under a dick and choke on it!

9)You're a weak ass bitch that needs to learn to live without him!!!

8) You're the only person i really feel true hate for because you're just a selfish, immature, asshole that needs to let go of your fucking issues MOTHERFUCKER!

7) i never really liked you but i'm just tryna be nice so you dont go bitch about me to other people

6) you're really annoying and I don't know why I ever met you

5) I'm jealous of you

4) One of these days you'll regret treating me like this bitch

3) You think you're the shit but you're not you're ugly as fuck bitch and you needa stop acting like you're so fcking sexy because you're just yucky and i bet your pussy stank.

2)You're so beautiful and I love you so much that I'm completely envious and secretly hate you for being you.

1) I don't know what I ever saw in you because you're not who you seemed to be before

NINE thing​s about​ yours​elf.

9) I like to question alot of things

8)I'm an animal lover, especially puppies

7) i cry when i watch those animal cruelty commercials

6) A few times every month I gather up all things I have of Raisin, listen to Ngyon Wala Ka Na and cry.

​5)​ i wish i wasn't me

4) I'd love to redo every one of my mistakes

3)I wouldn't mind looking different, i wish i got to pick out how I would look before I was born (x

2)I'm corrupted

1) i love children but I don't want them, giving birth would be too painful&I don't want to get married too.

EIGHT​ ways to win your heart

8) Dimples

7) Pretty eyes

6) Being adorably sweet

5) Being shy

4) Confidence

3) Having a nice voice

2) Not being clingy

1)Someone enjoyable to be around(:

SEVEN​ favor​ite bands​/​​​​​​singe​rs at the momen​t:​​​​​​

7) Teairra Mari

6) Keri Hilson

5) T Pain

4) Neyo

3) Brittany Spears

2) Lil Wayne (rappers count right? lol)


SIX thing​s you do befor​e you fall aslee​p

6) Get dressed for the next day (on a school day)

5) Tie hair up

4) Wash face

3)turn off any lights

2) Set timer on tv

1)clean up

FIVE peopl​e who mean a lot at the momen​t

5)LOLA! <3

4)Uncle Ramon

3)Batman? Lol.



FOUR thing​s you see right​ now

4)Iron man life size cardboard cut out?

3)Lap top bag holder thingy

2)Fake plastic tree

1)Big mirror

THREE​ thing​s you want to do befor​e you die

3)Make people regret treating me badly

2)Make my dreams come true(:

1)Learn to love myself

TWO songs​ that you liste​n too often

2)Fine my way back to you-Teairra Mari

1)All I want for christmas-Mariah Carey

ONE confe​ssion
1) I'm honestly really really ashamed of myself

  • Current Mood
    bored bored


Sooo..I need to be getting to sleep soon but I felt like posting something anyway. A real quick, meaningless entry just for fun(:
So yeah..There's some type of winter ball fancypants dance tmr and I think it's reallyreally stupid. Lol.
It's just like, why have a "fancy, formal" dance at the school? There's nothing special right? It's not like we'd have red carpets out and people taking pictures! Hahaha, it's just like..wth? Plus, if they're just gonna play normal music then how do they expect the people to dance in "fancypants" clothes. ESPECIALLY the girls in they're dresses, skirts, and heels. HAAAAILS NAAAW. You're gonna make us dress up, get all prettied up basically as if it was some type of special event like a prom but that's all and it stops there. Wth? Wth? Wth?
Oh wells. I'm anxiously waiting for the letter for my "date" with let's say..powerful authorities. I'm hoping they've forgotten about me and figured that I'm not a bad peson and I'll nevereverever do that again because well..IM AN INNOCENT (OR AS INNOCENT AS I CAN GET BEING A GROWING TEEEEEN) YOUNG GIRL THAT FOLLOWS MOST OF THE RULES!
Hehe.(: Please loride, be with me tmr. =/ Pray for me peoples?
  • Current Mood
    anxious anxious


Her fingers crawl independent,
seeking out a compromise
the rest of her refuses to respect,
because this distant disagreement
leave her languidly addictive;
only if she follows can she lead
and bleed excused from accountability,
from all that nonsense nomenclature
wrapping shackles about her shins.

Inside she cries herself awake,
wide open and withered
behind her innocence,
but too cliché for anyone to notice—
she’s just an old story told again
by new lips and a fresh tongue
bitten into shamelessness and exile;
call her a liar already,
quit pretending you’re still interested
in her selfish condemnation.

Because she’ll keep pretending
she believes you,
forget that she knows
so much more than you would guess;
you might be surprised
what thoughts still lurk behind her eyes
so plain and dull and complacent
underneath promises
and twisted truths.

If only you could unremember her.



So I'm thinking that I wanna start making videos of my days, kinda like a reality tv show.


Lol. I don't why but I like to watch other people's lives, their FUN lives. I get so jealous though, why can't I hate that life? Right? Lol.


I redid it Jiwie(:

Starting Day: 120608
Ending Day: 123109

Five things I want to change:

-Self esteem
(extras: relationship with certain people. schedule. habits)

Five things that make me happy:
-Hanging out with my cousin Kate.
-Old memories//Remembering funny moments(=
-Laughing in the present
(extras: mushy moment with close friends. quality time with mom w/out her pissing me off. the end of fridays. nice people. puppies! &etcetc.)

Five things that make me sad:
-sad memories
-thinking about raisin
-mean people saying mean things. MEAAAN! (=

Five things that annoy me:
-Shallow/conceited people
-Mean people
-"Mean girls"
-Girls who know they're cute but constantly insult themselves to fish for compliments.
(extras: parents. mom/dad nagging or telling me that I'm doing something wrong. brother. girls who get mad at you for dating their ex's when they told you it was okay. fake people.)

101 things (big and small) that I want to do by 2009 (More can be added later):

-Number one priority for the future, to make it big(= Of course! lol.
-Getting rid of acne
-Losing weight
-book/flats/picture collection
-A in math(x Lol! Neverr!
-Visit people in the Phillippines.
-First kiss&hearts;
(Add more laterr on.)

Anything list (things you miss, want, etc.)

-w&m: Raisin! ='(
-miss: Old days
-want&miss: Long hair. Lol. OR ATLEAST HAIR THAT CAN BE TIED UP! hahaha.
-w&m: My life out and about with friends. =/
-want: true inner beauty
-want: nice skin
-want: dream body! lol.


uhm..yeah. (cough, cough)

  Sooo..I woke up up this morning and this really red bump that hurt the two days before was a nasty ol' white head!
But whatever, I'm really hating my skin though. I regret trying to get rid of the few pimples I had over summer by using so much products at once because lookie at what happened to me)=
dude. that guy off of twilight is so hot. hahaha! i think he's the first celeb crush I had on an actror and outside of my usual celeb  crushed on rappers and r&b singers. lol!
it's a weird name to add  on my list full of rappers and r&b singers ya know.(=
Oh wells. Uhmuhmuhm..Life is pretty much ehh right now. I spent time with my cousin yesterday and I really enjoyed thaaat. I was hoping to do it again today buuuut, I didnt wanna ask. She does have her own life working and apartment hunting and all. I want the pimples to go away. My cousin's awesome. That dude off of twilight's is friggin' hot. I'm craving for potato chips. I need to pee. MY VAGINERRR IS BLEEDINGGG RIGHT NOOW! Hahaha. Vaginer's a funny word. I feel fatter than usualy. I think I'm really ugly. I knoooow i'd look so much better if I was a little thinner and I had a clearer complexion. Who wants taco bell? I dooo! I should study for the tests tmr but I'm too lazy. I need to take a shower, I look yucks to the max right now. Serena off of Gossip girl is sheeexxxxyyy! I have a bruise on my foot. My nail polish on my toes are chipping. I should redo them. My mommy has crusty feet. LOL! My grandma has two nails on each toe. Weirrdddd. I love her though(=
Uhmmms. I'm really hungry and I still need to pee. Whoever reads this must be reaaaaally boredd.
OOOH! I made up this really random joke in my head to an assignment for core. My core teacher wanted us to find a symbol and write about where we found it, what its meaning is, and what its purpose is and my head came up with this really random one without me knowing! (boy that sounds stupid! lol)

Okay so here's the creation of my absent mind.

My symbol is a bra. I found it in my underwear drawer in my closet. it's meanin is b00bs. It's purpose it to protect my b00bs from pointy objects and to unsag it for the public eye. I'm guessing my former music teacher ms.cable has never came in contact with these nifty little things because hers are always pointy and saggy. they look like lumpy uneven muffins. yuck.
I know. hecka random!

....Ima go find chips and eat them while I pee now. JK! that's gross. Lol. Byebyes(=
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